Lets face it, after being with the same person for a while it can be challenging to get aroused and be intimate on a regular basis. Passion between two people needs to be recharged.
Amanda* came to me a few years back. She has been married for 25 years and hasn’t been truly intimate with her partner within the last year. When you aren’t active for a while it causes you to get out of the rhythm and have intimate moments with your partner less. She felt ashamed and blamed herself. After working with her and changing some simple habits she started having regular intimate interactions with her husband within a few weeks.
General Social Survey (GSS) tracked American intimate behaviors since the 1970s.
According to the GSS, married couples have intercourse an average of 58 times per year! This may seem like a lot with where you are sitting right now. The good news is that you can start getting out of your “funk” today.
Being intimate is an important part of a relationship whether you have been together for a few months or 50 years. Here are some habits that worked for Amanda and can work for you too!
Start doing kind gestures for your partner and compliment them. Let them know how good they look and how sexy they are. Bring them a cup of coffee in bed tomorrow morning or write them a cute note and put it in your partner’s briefcase or purse.
Plan regular date nights weekly. These regular outings are critical to reconnect. Take turns planning the dates and make them fun. How about a night of board games, miniature golf or a dance class?
Start exploring-ask your partner what their fantasies are. You can also tell them yours. They may be shy, so give your lover some ideas. i.e. dressing up, being blindfolded, roleplaying. Etc.
Pick one thing to try. They may not be able to give you some ideas. They may not be ready for a big leap in the bed department; you may need to start off slow. Try some sexy lingerie or add whipped cream to bedroom fun.
Schedule it. It may not seem very romantic, but it actually is! Setting aside time for the two of you to be intimate is something that you can look forward to. Put it in your calendar. It’s important to plan it as if it were a business meeting so that you don’t cancel just because you’re tired. Doing something for somebody you love will make you both feel special and connected.
Be patient. Building up an active “love” life does not happen over night. Sometimes it takes a while to form a new habit. When you and your partner get into the groove it can start to feel like it did when you first met. Most importantly, have fun.
Natalie Shay RPC is a registered Psychotherapist and life coach. Her areas of expertise include counselling individuals on stress management, work/life balance, anxiety, depression, digestive issues, self-esteem and emotional eating. She has a strong passion for helping others, especially as they navigate through their stress in our fast-paced world. To learn more about Natalie and her approach visit her at natalieshay.com
* names have been changed to protect client privacy. Permission has been granted